Monster in my Head

I feel like life is making fun of me. Mocking me. And I feel like it’s me against the world even if I know deep inside me that there are people who truly care for me and accept me for who I am.

The thing is, sometimes I feel so lonely. I do like being alone sometimes but I hate the feeling of being lonely. Lonely like you don’t have any friends. Lonely like everyone hates you. Lonely like you don’t know who you are anymore.

I know I can do a lot of things in my life and I know I have a lot of abilities and skills but I feel like a failure. I feel like I’ve disappointed my parents and I will never ever be able to give back everything they did for me.

I don’t even understand myself anymore. So I’m thinking… if I don’t understand myself, how could other people understand me?

It’s so hard to open up to people. I don’t know why but I don’t like opening up to other people (except when I’m drunk and wasted).

I’m trying so hard to be a better person, friend and daughter but I feel like I’ve disappointed all of them. I don’t even know how to comfort a friend. Sometimes I feel like I’m so selfish for not being able to give them advice and words of wisdom while they always motivate me and lighten up my mood. I can’t do what they can do. What I can do is to disappoint and hurt everyone around me.

Other people’s monster sleep under their bed. But mine lives inside my head.

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