KILL ME NOW

“You wake up. Everything seems perfect. And then in just a blink of an eye, everything shattered into pieces.”

You know what’s killing me?

It’s my fucking depression. Most days I just want to give up and kill myself. I don’t know who I am anymore.

Every night I scroll the contacts in my phone finding no one I can talk to. I can’t even think of anyone that will understand the shits in my life. I can’t think of anyone who will be there for me when I break down in my bathroom at 3 in the morning.

But who fucking cares about me? I’m no one special. I’m not loveable, not even likeable. I’m a complete waste and a mess. A FUCKING MESS and I fucking hate myself for that. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I am is wrong and I’m so tired of living this hell. I’m so tired of the monsters inside my head.

I mean, who would love a depressed girl? Who would want to be with a depressed girl? Who would even like me? I’m not pretty, I’m not smart, I’m not talented, and I don’t even have a sense of humor.

I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I mean, yes I always feel alone. Every day of my life. But now, it’s so much worse. I don’t know a person here that I can call and will be here in a flash. Only my college friends would do that. Even some of them are 2 hours away from me, I always know that they’re going to come for me.

They always tell me that I can do this and that I am stronger and worth more than I think I am. But I’m sorry to disappoint them because I’m not strong like I used to be before. People have hurt me. My feelings have hurt me. Most of all, the monsters in my head have hurt me.

All I need right now is someone that will hug me tight and tell me that everything’s going to be okay. Someone who’s willing to listen to all my shits and will never judge me. Someone who would just be here with me.

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